How to manage parent-child conflicts

Each parent knows that a new arrival in a family will cause immense changes. As an adult, we have the responsibility to take care of our dear children and give them all the love, affection and education that they require.

However, even with a lot of good will, not everything will happen as in a fairy tale. Parents are often taken with doubts and have a lot of questions. It's not unusual for parents to feel that they are trapped by and weak in their family which seems to be going wrong. They can loose their patience quickly with their children. This leads to a slippery slope of verbal or physical violence and punishment. There are however, other routes to take that are much less aggressive, respectful and more constructive for both the parents and the children.

Here are some ideas for ZEN conflict management

• A child has their own needs and it's important to acknowledge them, even if its neither possible nor advisable to satisfy them. "Yes, you want to read a book. I can't read it at this time as I have to cook dinner. I will read it to you once I'm finished."

• Clearly defined limits for your child are important, and it's essential to enforce them in a soft but firm way. It's always a good idea to suggest alternative behaviours and activities where possible. "I don't want you to pull your sister's legs, she doesn't like it. If you want to pull legs, pull those of your dolly."

• A child needs to eliminate stress that they have accumulated during their day. For very young children, this will be principally through crying or laughing. During crying sessions, it's important to accompany your child, without trying to halt the crying or raging, do that they know that they are not alone in dealing with their stress. Their parents are there to help them.

• Yes, a child that exhibits bad behaviour in our eyes has a good reason to do so. This reason is not always clear for us, but it's clear for the child. It's often difficult for us as adults to manage our own frustrations and anger when faced with such behaviour. It's easy to says hurtful things and have violence gestes that are quickly regretted. Often, our frustrations are linked to other frustrations that we have experienced in our life, especially in our childhood. So before loosing your calm with your child, ask yourself what has really caused your frustration.