When we consider the best time to return to work, there are several elements that need to be taken into account: the mother’s welfare, the child’s welfare and the need to earn money. In many countries, the length of maternity leave is controlled as there is a financial impact to this for the state and employer. Hence there is not always a lot of flexibility in the system.

Still, that leaves some choice for parents on when they will put their children in daycare. The question needs to be asked more often, however:  when is the best moment for a child to start spending some time away from its parents? The renowned child psychologist, Aletha Solter, recommends that ideally children spend most of their time with their parents until they are about two and a half years old. 

For most parents, spending so much time away from work is impossible financially and could have severe career implications. Even the most enlightened nations only guarantee leave for up to 12 months after the birth. A more pragmatic answer to the question would be that a child stays with a parent until it is no longer possible for a parent to remain at home for financial or psychological reasons.

It’s not always possible either for a mother to remain with their child because mentally they feel the need to return to work. Many mothers, although they love their children, find spending all day with them rather dull and unstimulating. Others find it makes their day complete.

Super-mothers, of course, would desire to return to work as soon as they have given birth to their child, as was the case with the French minister Rachida Dati. This, of course, cannot be recommended as parents and a child need time to bond, especially when a baby has just been born. It’s very traumatic for a baby to be separated from its mother and undoubtedly is traumatic for the mother too.

Minette Marrin, writing in the London Times, suggests that an increasing number of women wish to work part time in order to spend more time with their children whilst earning down a salary. This is undoubtedly an interesting possibility for some women, particularly those who are not interested in pursuing a career or who weigh their need to be with their children more than their need to be stimulated at work.

An interesting aspect of Marrin’s article was her assertion that hard-core feminism is no longer the trend du jour. The orthodoxy being that:

“First, that all women want to work (for money, outside the home). Second, that all women, including mothers, ought to work. Third, that all women want to do and are equally suited to doing the same work as men. Fourth, that if the number of women working in an organization is less than 50% of the total, that is in itself evidence that women are being unjustly discriminated against. Fifth, that motherhood is a problem that makes it difficult for women to work. Sixth, that the problem of motherhood can easily be fixed by paid childcare, subsidized if necessary by the state. Seventh, that what all mothers want above all is “affordable childcare” to enable them to work: children don’t need much of their attention. And finally, that it is for the state to sort out all such family matters.”

What’s really comes out of the article is that women today do not have uniform wants and desires, each person is different and each relationship with a father and a child is different.

Of course the elephant in the room remains the role of the father. Without a doubt, a baby is best looked after by its mother for the first months of its life given that fathers lack breast milk. Once the need to feed every four hours has passed, and the baby can consume solid food, then there is no reason that the mother can’t go back to work and the father can take some time off to look after his child. This should become a social norm for most families.

Being in a Zen relationship with your child, means taking the best choices for them whilst balancing the needs of the parents. What are your thoughts?

Source: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/minette_marrin/article7060971.ece (15th March 2010)

Image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/glasgows/338937124

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